Monday, June 26, 2006

Just My Luck

Went to watch Just my Luck today. The choice was that or Guantanamo Bay. I decided that I didn't want something heavy hence why the pick to watch Just My Luck. It was actually a lovely day, but I made a mistake of not organizing my time well that I didn't spend much time outside. How I wish I could go back to those days, pretending I had no worries, spent a few hours in Borders or Kinokuniya, drank juices from Orange Julius, walked down Orchard road all by myself. Not actually the happiest days of my life, but now how I wish I could do it again.

Just My Luck was okay. I still feel that Lindsay Lohan was too young to play this kind of character. 2 persons from the O.C also starred in the movie. The only entertainment there was watching Chris Pine's handsome face when he was lucky. Honestly, the movie is a no-brainer. It should be entertaining and easy to swallow, but I found myself wanting it to move on with the story as fast as it can. I wonder why it is so hard to amuse me. I guess, I am really really mentally wrong right now.

Hear, hear. I cried when I was watching the trailer for The Lake House, the latest movie by Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. I cried over a trailer! Imagine that! I can't explain it myself, except that the movie is so sweet that I would definitely gonna go and watch it. Gonna watch Nacho Libre too, because I think Jack Black is so cool. Spent Saturday night watching School of Rock. I had a good laugh. Seriously, it is one of my favorite movies ever! Okay, go back to the topic of crying. Cried when I talked to mom on Sunday night. She didn't know and not because of something sad. I just had tears coming down my eyes. How to explain it, I don't know. I guess I am just not alright and I wish I can be at home where there's no trouble. Anyway, told mom what I wanted to do. She laughed at it. I wonder if she's okay with it.

Didn't do much shopping today. Suppose to use this Great Singapore Sale period, but I didn't really buy things. Saw a very big Diddl, almost half a meter tall. I was like so...so...so awed! It was white, with rosy cheeks and ears. Wanted to tell people that I saw a big Diddl. Wanted to send an sms to someone actually, but since we are not really keeping in touch, I didn't do it. Maybe I should just do it. Anyway, went inside the store. One of the store keeper was a young guy who was rather too friendly that I felt weird. This is because as an anti-social, I don't react well to someone who is too friendly, but I do think that he was a nice guy that I gave him my biggest smile and thank you.

On the way home I met Darren at Dover MRT Station. Nice surprise. He was sniffing and all with flu. Apparently Lady Grace is in town. As much as he wants to complain, I am sure he is happy that she's here. Finally learnt how to play spider solitaire, but still can not win the one with medium difficulty I just realized that Vivy wrote sympathy for my loss of Vinny So sorry! I kinda receive the same question this morning. I am overly dramatic I suppose. When I said that Vinny is leaving me, that means he is around 3-5 metres away now, rather than the usual half a metre. Kill me now, peeps

:) eKa @ 8:31:00 PM • 0 comments

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Family of Me

Hello peeps. I am bloody emotional. Should learn to control my emotion and act cool under whatever the circumstances are and yet I found myself throwing complain and panic to other people. So embarrassing. So stupid and so weak.

Last Tuesday I had the chance to watch Cars with Miss. J. Before I elaborate, I would like to say as I have been saying quite many times that I do keep some things private, hence why sometimes I put initial rather than full name. Why some people get their full name here and why some don't, I really don't know why. Anyway, I like it when Ms. J wrote Ms. E in her blog rather than my name. This week, I found 2 blogs that mentioned my names in relation to their lives, and I was pretty taken aback with it. I would prefer they didn't really write my name there Back to Cars. Decided to watch that because there were not any other good movies to watch. So I decided to choose that over She's the Man because the Mr said She's the Man is too lame. Cars was pretty entertaining. Love the Italian cars, especially Guido. Owen Wilson just has a funny voice. I think he fits nicely as Lightning McQueen. It was rather interesting for me that the world of Cars is not weird at all. Here you are with cars talking and a car inside another car as characters and it does not feel weird. It seems natural and when you see these cars in the highway as normal cars, you don't feel the weirdness of it because as characters it still feel natural to see them doing things as cars do in our real world. Am I making sense? I am a weirdo.

Moving on, went searching for things afterwards with Ms. J. Futile effort. Seriously, Ms. J is so nice. Maybe it's depending on the person, maybe she is actually bias The effort that she made is applaudable. I didn't even care that much

Watched a bit of the Italian's match against Czech. Was flipping in between Lost, hence why I didn't watch all but I watched Inzaghi's goal and he was so cool. Well, part of it is because of there's no Czech's defenders when he made the goal, however he is just so cool. The Mr thought I would be behind Spain because of Raul, who I said to be the most handsome footballer currently. However, there are this thing about guys. I remember me and my bestfriends, at least my cousin Marlisa, deduced this when we were around 13 or 14 (in Junior High) that some guys can be so handsome but not be as captivating as guys who are less handsome. In Inzaghi's case, he may not be as handsome as Raul but I would take Inzaghi any time, because he's just more interesting. Love Inzaghi! I guess hence why my infatuation to people like Thierry Henry and David Trezeguet too. So happy that France also goes through Though the reality remains that they most probably gonna be out next. Italy seems to have a good chance, but Australia could be lucky. Was in the same room with an Australian and an Italian today, it was really funny when the Italian realized her team will be meeting the socceroos. France will be up against Espanola. France's group performance did not give me much confidence, while the Spanish did get full marks. So we'll just have to wait and see.

Vinny is leaving me. I did say okay. I wonder if he would do differently if I didn't say okay. The thing is actually I have no right to say if he could or could not do something that he wants. He cited something as the reason, but I couldn't believe if it's the real truth. I decided to let him go because well, he deserves a better place and I feel that I have become dependent and reliant on him and it feels rather wrong for me. See up there I wrote I have become weak. I supposed to be able to manage on my own. I mean I had been through that time when people I trusted and thought would be there for me abandoned me. So I realize that it's me and me alone. Now, I feels it's not really me and me alone. I feel fortunate that after that depressing period I have met people who are really nice and care about me and I have made friends but somehow I feel mentally weak now. Maybe because now I have that place to complain to. I feel I suppose to be emotionally self-sufficient. I can't really define correctly what emotionally self-sufficient is or if it is even possible to be achieved but now I just feel I have to be on my own. Get through the things that I have to go through on my own, not just the idea of being able to get through it but be mentally okay in the process without having to talk about it that much with other people. Be tough! Basically manage things on my own. It may sound so dramatic but not having Vinny that close anymore will change a lot of things. It's alright. It's time to move on. I think he supposes to be less dependent on me also. I think I should not bitch that much to the Mr also. I think he has spent too much time consoling my emotional rollercoaster. Mr, I would not reply until I get the next part of the mail, or is there?

This brings me to the title of the post above. Family of Me is a song sung by Ben Folds and it is used as the soundtrack of Over the Hedge to describe RJ's (the raccoon) belief in his life. It sounds lonely and you may wonder why I choose this path, but I feel I just have to right now. At the end of the day, it's really you and you alone and you should be able to walk on your own.

Family of Me

How great I am
Gotta tell myself, yeah
I'm the man
Looks grim right now
but pretty soon we'll be laughing about it
Ooh, and it's alright
Yeah it is, I swear you'll see
(it's not really)
Yeah it's alright
Cause I've always got my family of me

It's not a first
(might be the last)
Yeah I'm sure
I must have been through worse,
but Ooh, it's alright
Got a paddle and a creek
Yeah and it's alright
Cause I've always got my family of me

:) eKa @ 9:09:00 PM • 0 comments

Sunday, June 18, 2006

If I Should Stumble On My Moment In Time

Shouldn't be awake at this hour on a Saturday night. Even if I have to be awake, I shouldn't be actively using my brain and yet here I am. Decided to let it go a few minutes ago *sigH* I am so tired and I can feel my body is wearing out.

Finished reading The Devil Wears Prada. Somewhat entertaining but lacks of substances just like what the book tries to show about the world of Runway magazine. I wonder how the movie is going to survive. I just hope it would be funny enough. It does make me wonder and wish to have a pair of Jimmy Choo, just for the sake of feeling it There's a smile, so it's a good sign in this not-so-good day. I think I made a few people rather concerned because of my sad look today. Thank God, seriously, Thank God because someone actually bothered to send me a message about nothing important and yet she wrote those few words that showed she cares. So God is showing me He cares and nothing could be that important that I couldn't stop and sleep.

Been rather off-focus this week. Seems like things are going in blur. Who would have known that "How are you?" can be one of the most important and difficult question to ask. I should have asked it, I think. But I didn't and I think that window of opportunity is gone. Do you need to ask it in the first place? In trying to find an answer, you don't always have to ask the question and demand an answer, right? I suppose you just can research your way, work your way around it without having to really ask the question. However, I still feel I am rather bad.

Maybe the worst thing I did this week (one of the worst actually) is bringing the anger in someone else. Trying to justify the anger and frustration in me, that I told the things I should not have told to my friend in conquest. Lead us not into temptation and yet I was leading another person into it. I hope things will be alright for us. At least whatever should come, we could be sincere and hang in there. Luckily I am a God believer. I should believe in God's big picture rather than anyone's else. So whatever the reason is that God puts us in this situation, it may not be for all the glory or material things but maybe it would simply make us a better person if we just manage to get it through until the end. I am so sinful that I am getting really disappointed with myself *sigH* Just a few days ago had a lunch that was rather filled with mockery of a particular belief. I was laughing hard and I don't feel that guilty. I don't know why, but I do feel that something is shifting in my belief in God or maybe my whole trust in religion? I still believe in God, but faith hasn't been speaking that loudly for some time. I'm an emotional train wreck.

Was planning to watch School of Rock tonight and yet a plan is just a plan. Haven't watched a single world cup match and I don't think I would be able to. I wish I can just go home and spend the World Cup season with my family. Is everyone doing alright? I think there are actually many things that I want to write but my thoughts are all over the place. I should sleep now. Oh yeah, the title of the post is from one of Mr Big's songs. Can you guess which one? Give me a shout. Take care peeps.

:) eKa @ 1:02:00 AM • 0 comments

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Everyone Changes But You

I can go through with you the whole life sucks kinda thing, but I think you have heard enough. Been hearing people my age are getting married. It's seriously incomprehensible for me. I guess people are really moving on, building their lives while it seems that I am putting my life on hold. I am waiting for thing to pass and hoping for things to happen, which is stupid. I honestly think it is stupid, but I suppose as much as I want to deny it, it's just so easy to throw excuses for your laziness. What am I to do? It's not something that I want to tell you, but I better start doing, construct plan, and start preparing to say good bye to some people.

Had a haircut today. So that's one change to myself that I did. Just wanted to do it. I thought my hair was getting too long but now it's rather too short that I can't really tie it anymore Can't wait for it to grow longer. I think longer hair is more practical, you just tie it up. I feel like doing more changes, like changing the layout of this blog, but I haven't had the diligence to actually do it. I did change my diary though. Well, maybe not actually change. I finished the 6th book, but I haven't started on the 7th one. I think people are a bit surprised that I keep both a diary and a blog. I've always been writing people. Actually, I think I threw away my first 1 or 2 diaries which recorded things in my primary school life. I started the diary before I knew how to type. The reason for keeping it going is Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I stumbled on the books when I was in junior high. I was totally drawn into the story. The way she described in details what happened in their lives was amazing. She could describe what they had for dinner in such detail that I felt like I was there. Mom said I loved to watch the movie when I was young, Sundays in TVRI, but I couldn't remember it. Mom told me that because I was watching the re-run again when I was a bit older. Everyone now know her story, even her grandchildren children later on. All because she wrote. Hence why I write, to leave something behind when I am gone. If God willing and I am to be married and have kids, then my kids will get to know the crazy me The diaries are just traces of me. If I don't leave anything else behind, then there would always be those books (unless there are fire or something like that).

Went to watch The Omen today with Vivy. Actually I wasn't that keen on it but I thought it's good to spend the Saturday doing something. Though the spending of the money part is not so good (afterwards we had quite a dinner in Country Manna). I really can not take scary movie. I covered my view in some of the parts. Behind us were these few teens, the kind that you would find in an international school. Crazy and moron them, they were talking a lot. Shouted loudly and laughed a lot. So disturbing. It's like this: *not-that-scary scene* then they *screamed at the top of their lungs* then they *laughed their heart out because they thought when they screamed it was silly*. At the climax of the story their were doing this: *shocking scene* then they *screamed loudly* *breathe* *screamed loudly* *breathe* and so on, until around 10 times. My goodness, it was so annoying!!! I hushed them at the beginning of the movie but apparently that didn't help at all. Anyway, The Omen was so-so. Story wise, it wasn't so strong. I hated the ending so much and I think I would really refrain from watching scary movie.

World Cup is starting. Dozed off and decided to sleep during opening match last night. My only source of World Cup soccer broadcast is being interfered by Starhub, stupid! It is a shame that a normal local TV in Singapore which is supposedly rich can not provide live broadcast for the World Cup in Singapore, while Indonesia can. I think Singapore should have more tv station. They must promote more of local productions. I think Indonesian TV should cut off on their local productions on the other hand, because many of them do not have good quality.

Rarely talk to the Mr these days. Maybe busy with things and parents? Got reminded of the other Mr because of World Cup and Singapore idol but I see no point calling him out because he would say he was busy and would call me later, in which he had never done what he said he would *sigH* A new week is starting. I hope it would be happier. Currently I don't want days to pass. I wish I could just stay in today until I am ready for tomorrow, but it is not happening. Take care peeps!

:) eKa @ 9:43:00 PM • 0 comments

Saturday, June 03, 2006

...the "miss"

You know in your life how you have people coming to your life and how it is so amazing that in their short stay in your life, they make such an impact that your life is changed for the better and you are just thankful for the presence of these people. It is amazing how you could know a person only for a little while and yet you have grown much love for this person.

I thank God that I could still have the Saturdays that I have cherished and treasured for quite some time. There were changes as expected. I was somewhat prepared but it was still sad when one particular person was not there. Looking back, the time we spent together were not really that long but I grew to respect, cherish, and love this person. One of the nicest person I've known, funny and simply great, considering the way we are. All these times, people come and go but this one really made me sad. Maybe because compared to the rest, she spent more time with us. The changes are not bad actually. Things are still good and I am sure I will still have fun, however it's just a lost. Maybe it is for the best that we didn't actually say good bye. I don't think I would have cried, but surely I would be broken-hearted.

*sigH* Thank you God for letting me know and have this person in my life, though only for a while. Thank you for what she brought to my life. Bless her and her family. Take care of her Oh damn! The way I wrote that is like the way I write things in my diary [talking to God]. Not good! But at least, there is no name here and I wonder how many people got it right. Anyway, I wonder if I also ever make such an impact to other people when I leave, the way this person has. I suppose it's a learning process and a working progress to learn to make an impact on other people lives.

Wrote a paragraph about someone else but I decided to delete it because I don't want to be questioned on non important things. My tummy feels funny now. Another day pass by. I feel like I am wasting my life away. I feel frustrated. Life shouldn't be like this. You should go to sleep feeling good that something happen, but nothing happen in mine, not that I try to make something happen. Something is so wrong!

:) eKa @ 9:27:00 PM • 0 comments