Saturday, August 28, 2010

Be Columbus

How are you doing peeps? I am actually feeling rather unwell now. I think I might be down with something. I was thinking how I hope I wouldn't get sick but then I think why not? It's a chance to just rest and take it easy. Like today. There's no class today and yesterday evening I was so ecstatic about the fact that I didn't have to set the alarm clock for this morning. I ended up leaving the bed just before 10 am. I did was awoken several times in the morning, I guess it's my body's clock, but I stayed in and that's the wonderful thing about it, I didn't have to get up :D I could just sleep in. It's such a luxury and it's so enviable how some people can just wake up when they feel like to.

So anyways, today was spent with NanSee. We went to watch Grown Ups which is not really an amazing movie or anything but I enjoyed it very very much. The story wasn't really deep so I can't really say much about it. I just love seeing the dynamic of this old group of friends. They seemed to have such a good time doing stuffs and I wish I can do such things with a fun group of people too. I guess I just really really want a holiday? Hmm ... I can't really say much else about this movie. I guess it's a good watch for a lazy Saturday or Sunday?

Since last weekend, I have been spending a lot of money on food :( and as usual, I couldn't really control what I eat, especially dessert. It's like no matter if I am already full, I will still have a full dessert. It's totally not a good week for the wallet as well as the cholesterol and sugar level. I know it's so uninteresting to say this and I don't even know why I feel the need to share this, but there you go. I guess I begin to worry about my financial state when I saw the balance in my account today and also when I foresee more expenses in the near future :( I really gotta stop surrendering to temptation.

Moving on. The title of the post. It's kinda strange, but I think it's kinda cool. It can be a tagline or something. A line you see on t-shirts or something. If it does appear on t-shirts or somewhere, can I claim as someone who came up with the idea? Okay, what's with it. Well my thoughts as you may know or not, jump all over the place. I don't know how it happens. I guess mostly it's when I am totally stressed out or when I haven't been using my brain for anything major. In the case of this one, it's the latter reason. So what does Be Columbus mean? You see, this week I had to make a decision if I want to go back to familiar water or go deeper and further into the unknown. Then the thought on Christopher Columbus just came to me as I was washing my hands in the toilet. Columbus chose adventure, well I don't know what his motivation was, but he sailed and took chances and you know the rest of the story. What I am facing in my life right now is hardly comparable to sailing to the unknown sea with all its danger and the possibility of not returning. Hence I thought Be Columbus, sail away, be brave, go to that unknown. You may fail but you may also not. You may end up discovering something awesome. I've made my decision, but it doesn't come with full conviction and belief in my heart. I guess one would always second guess their decision but I believe making a decision even when it's the wrong one is always better than not making a decision at all. Wrong or not, God is always there when we need Him and I really just need to let go all my worries and march on knowing that God is by my side.

It is really flattering though to know that someone thinks very highly of me and would love to have me around. It's a real blessing to know this because I was pretty much broken by the place that I left. I was made feeling that I am insignificant and unimportant. It's bad enough to question your whole entire existence, now imagine having someone telling you that you are not awesome and you are not good enough and what you do is not good enough. I likened it to having whatever little flicker of fire inside me to be extinguished. If I sound like I'm still emotional and holding grudges about it, I guess in a way I am. When I think about what had transpired, I do still get pretty upset. I AM trying to let it go. It would be good if people would apologize and admit that they made a mistake but I'm pretty sure it's never gonna happen. Okay, talking about it is not helping me let go, so I'm gonna shut up now. Well that's about it peeps. I want to lie down now. Buonanotte tutti!

:) eKa @ 11:32:00 PM • 0 comments

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Say What You Need To Say

It's been awhile since I wrote. In fact this is the first post in the month of August. The title itself kinda indicates that I would have so many things to say so brace yourself peeps. This is gonna be pretty long ;)

So what's been going on that I haven't written here for some time. Well partly it's because there's really nothing interesting happening and another part is because I have been pretty occupied. It kinda started in the middle of last week. Somehow I found myself not being able to reject something that I ended up taking it on and then I realize that I couldn't cope with everything in my life. There's just so many things going on in my daily life, hard difficult things :| and then these past 2 weeks I had a french test looming. So adding another burden into that whole combination just make me become less patient, crazier, and more mellow and moody. I don't think I can handle stress well :( I used to think that I love money quite a lot. This week I realize that maybe that love is not as strong as I think it is. I have to say that I am really impressed with people who can work a lot and work long hours. I do feel like a lazy person but it's really hard for me to keep it together with all the things I have and extra burden is definitely not helping. So things are finally not that rosy anymore. It's hard to be positive when things are not easy and nice. I am trying my best to keep it cool, to take it one step at a time, to breathe more, to be more patient, to be more positive, to have more faith in God that things will work out. I'm not sure that I managed to do all that but I am always hardest on myself. If people think I am mean, I think people may not know that I am meanest to myself. If people say I put such a high standard, they may not know that I put higher standard and expectation to myself. Yes, I know I have to change this unrealistic expectation and be more forgiving to myself. It's a life process, no? We'll see how I grow up :P

So enough about that. That's too personal for me to share anyway. Let's talk about French test. I don't think I prepared myself well for this test. I want to say that I didn't really have much time to study, which is kinda true, but on the time that I did have, I just couldn't really bring myself to open my books. Well I had such a difficult week, how do one actually push oneself to study before going to sleep? One of the last thing we learnt this term was subjonctif which is like congiuntivo in Italian but with a very major difference. The congiuntivo experience that we had, when we were so tortured understanding and memorizing it, kinda made me dislike subjonctif. So that's not helpful. Yes, I am bias :P So anyway, the classmates and I along with Yeni was planning to meet up today for lunch and other things and this week the planning for that became the highlight instead of the test. I think when we came to class today, we were just more excited about lunch :P I found the test to be pretty difficult. Mr Ben was so nice that he allowed us to actually write down our orale parts and read it if we wanted to, which of course we wanted to. I was in disbelief with him. We are having a one-week break and I am totally ecstatic about it. Looking forward to being able to wake up late :D

So after the test, me, LM, Mau, and Jacq went for lunch along with Yeni and Jacq's husband. Lunch was at this spanish restaurant in Vivo which I felt was pretty pricey but I kinda liked all the food. A lof of the conversation revolved around this particular lady we know that when I parted ways with Yeni today, she said oh well, I couldn't believe that after 6 hours, all of you cannot drop the topic on this lady :P I do wonder if the topic made her and Jacq's husband bored. Err ... well ... I ... I am rather speechless about our "obssesion" :P I have to admit that me and that lady are very particular and opinionated. Unfortunately we are always at opposite ends of things that it makes it hard for me to be nice and people who know me know that I don't hide how I feel. I know I have to be diplomatic and all but I don't want to say things that I cannot say sincerely and I don't want to do things that I don't want to do. In fact the table today said that I am like that. I say what's in my head. I say how I feel and think. I don't hide it. Even Jacq's husband said so and mind you that when he said that we just met in less than 3 hours! I have to say that it does kinda sound bad :P It does sound like I don't have a filter up there in my head which I have to admit to be kinda true. Yes there are many moments when I feel, darn girl, did you really just say that? I really have no filter. But then I realized it kinda depends on the group of people I am with. For some reason, with this particular group of people I feel I can just say what I think. I have to admit that perhaps I am banking too much that they don't find what I say to be offending and such. Yes perhaps I have to wait a few seconds and rethink if I really want to say those things in my head. But you know in reference to the title of this post which is part of a song lyric from a John Mayer's song, Say, you really just need to say what you need to say. His lyrics includes, It's better to say too much then never say what you need to say again, but we all know that he himself doesn't really have a filter in his head :P Well if it's any consolation, I think if I am comfortable with the people, only then I really say what I think. With people whom I am not comfortable or close it, I think they may find me to be shy and quiet. Yeni said it's so unlikely that people would actually find me shy :D :D :D I think I am I actually. I think that would be the first impression I give to people. Either shy or arrogant. Either way yes, you do have to get to know me to know that I am actually pretty crazy. I think I am more interesting being crazy though :P

After lunch, we all went to watch The Expendables. LM slept in the middle of it and Yeni said that it's crap :D Well, it's an old-school action movie. The actors are pretty old but they still kick ass. In fact if you want to compare this with the many action movies that have graced our world in the past few years, these guys are definitely tougher and more manly. Really, try to compare them with the guys in movies like The A-Team and GI Joe. These guys don't have any gimmick, they really shoot and kill and blow up stuffs that the movie is really quite violent at times for me. Being old-school, I don't think that the story was being developed well and some of the lines were so cheesy, so like in the late 80s or early 90s. There were some funny parts. Like I've been telling people that when I saw the poster, I feel it's kinda funny to see Jet Li being the shortest of them all and this issue was actually brought up in the movie :D I thought Mickey Rourke had some really good moments. It was nice to see Bruce Willis on screen. If I have to say which guy was the coolest one, I think I have to choose Jason Statham :P Overall it is not an amazing movie. It does move kinda slow at times and certain things may not be necessary to be told or explored but I still think that it's a pretty interesting watch. I'm not excited about it but it's not bad :)

After the movie, we couldn't resist the Max Brenner's temptation. I really like this place! It's like how can you resist chocolate? Chocolate really makes you happy :) Suddenly my mind goes to my high school friend, Ayu. She's gonna get a kick out of Max Brenner :P Now I am so sleepy and hungry. I'm trying hard not to sleep now. My dear vaio is acting up. I hope I can make it feel better :( Okay, that's about it peeps. I hope your days are amazing. Buonanotte tutti :)

:) eKa @ 9:39:00 PM • 0 comments